甚麼都不算甚麼 nothing is nothing

thermostat

小中學時，大學時，一直受到不快的陰霾影響，終日都受到無形的壓力，又沒有人傾訴，不知到跟誰人傾訴，很多時都鬱鬱寡歡，不合群，不想合群，怕被人傷害，怕又被人傷害。
媽媽的偏心，使我知道，作任何投訴都沒有用，反而加添留在我心裡的不公平。（長大後，我有跟媽媽說她的偏心對子女的影響，她回答她都不懂怎樣做。這答案，我接受。）
還好，我智慧沒有問題，要多謝爸媽給我的智慧。
我知道，我可以做，我要做的是努力讀書，這才可以改變，擺脫當時的陰霾，才可以逃出生天。
慶幸，我可以大學畢業，選擇自己喜歡的路，過自己喜歡的生活。
其實，今日，我寫出這東西，代表我仍然脫不掉這些記憶。這對我的人生有太大的影響，真是揮之不去。這只是我人生一部份，揮之不去，就算了。
令我，知道，學會，甚麼都不算甚麼。



When I was in the study, I was always under the influence of unpleasant haze. I was under invisible pressure all day long, and I could talk to nobody. I didn't know who I should talk to. Many times I was depressed, not gregarious, didn't want to be gregarious, afraid of being hurt. Fear of being hurt again.

My mother's partiality made me know that it was useless to make any complaints, but this would only add the unfairness that remained in my heart. (When I grew up, I told my mother about the impact of her partiality on her children. She replied that she didn't know how to do it. I accept this answer.)

Fortunately, there is no problem with my wisdom. I would like to thank my parents for their genes.
I know that I can do it, and what I have to do is to study hard, only then can I change, get rid of the haze at the time, and escape.
Fortunately, I can graduate from university, choose the way I like, and live the life I like.

In fact, today, when I write this thing, it means that I still can't get rid of these memories. This has had a big impact on my life, and it really lingers. This is just a part of my life, lingering, forget it.
Let me know, learn, nothing is nothing.
／12 2020